Monday, April 21, 2014

Speaking "Happy" Thoughts

I find sometimes it is difficult to find happy news amidst today's news, perhaps the media doesn't recognize anything as "Happy" as news. So today I'm going to continue the discussion on "Happiness" itself. One article I found is sufficient to get you going for this week. Time article by Bill Murphy Jr: 17 Things Extremely Happy People Say Every Day This article says that in the search for personal happiness it is found that when you seek to make others happy this will rebound to you. " practice when it comes to how to teach yourself to be happy. It stems from the recognition that the positive things you do for other people often reverberate back to create positivity in your own life. In effect, doing little things to make other people happy can greatly improve your happiness." Making others happy gives oneself  joy and in turn creates happy people around you and in theory this happiness will come back to you. So the key is in your verbiage to others. Happy people inspiring others to be upbeat and happy, by being sincerely positive and upbeat.

 So in a nutshell these are the 17 things we should be saying so we can create this happiness cycle and make ourselves happy:

1) "I'm happy to see you."  Simply express to a co-worker or a friend how happy you are to be with them.
 2)“I’m always happy to see you.”    Reassert how great it always is to see the person.

3) “Remember when you…”    Just bring up a happy moment or something from your shared past, it brings back a good time, reminds the person you care and remember the little things about them.
(Crazy but I actually do these first steps just naturally whenever I see one particular person at work- just ask her- she knows who she is- the little red-head! And just being happy together seems to create more happiness, so everytime I see her- it's escalated- "Oh I'm so happy to see you!" is our first response).

4)“You might not realize this, but…”    Just an elaboration of the above, reminding the person of something they did that had a positive outcome.

5) “You really impress me.”    This  "...focuses on things that the person does, rather than his or her existential being. Other variations include “You are really great at…” or “People love that you…” Simply be sincere and specific. “You’re really great at calming stressful situations”... It can be anything, as long as it’s authentic and truly positive, and it’s guaranteed to elicit positive reactions."

6) “You really impressed me when…”    This is just going into more specific detail on the above and mentioning an actual event.

7) "I believe in you" Reasserting that you support and do believe in the person.  Anyone can have doubts, giving them boost which helps them believe in themselves. I practice this often when I compliment someone who just gave a lecture, or a Pastor finished a sermon, or an actor his/her great part. Often those that excel at something we think they don't need praise and just "know" how great they are or must be tired of hearing it; but I have found everyone deserves a "thank you" and "you were amazing" or "that was great". Reaffirmation is always appreciated and never wasted.

8)  "Look how far you've come!” Again reasserting what the other person has accomplished and being more specific.

9)  "I know you’re capable of more.” Being able to motivate and give a bit of a push for them to achieve more. Kinda like being that person's personal cheerleader.

10) “I’d like to hear your thoughts about…” Inviting to hear someone's thoughts on a subject "can’t help making the person feel just a tiny bit more self-worth, which in turns creates both happiness and positive feelings toward you". Sincerity is important when you do this.

11)  “Tell me more.” Make sure to follow through and listen to their answer and pepper them with questions to show you're paying attention. Dig into the depths of what they're saying.

12) “I took your suggestion.” Take the person's suggestions and apply it and make sure when you get good results you tell them, let them know their advice was valuable - it will increase their self-worth.

13) "I'm Sorry"  When you need to say it, say it, if you've wronged someone or to express sympathy. But let it be sincere and not overused.

14) “I’d like to be more like you.”  "Now you've got it–you’re expressing positivity toward other people almost naturally, pointing out not only things that they do well but maybe even things they do better than you do."  

15) "Thank you"  Be sure to use the word: Thank you! "This is truly one of the most powerful, underrated phrases in the English language. It packs a heck of a punch, encompassing positivity and impact in two little syllables. "

16) "You're welcome"  And when someone says "Thank you" to you, say: "You're welcome". A clean cut positive response that acknowledges another persons gratitude. This  "dignifies the person’s gratitude" It acknowledges that yes, you did do something worthy, or nice, or positive for someone–because you believe that she’s worth it." 

17) "No"  "There’s one small risk in this entire mode of expression, and this word is your fail-safe. The danger is that sometimes people who make other people’s happiness their priority can wind up doing so at the cost of their own happiness. We all know some people who take advantage, or who simply aren’t going to be happy no matter what your efforts amount to.
Two little letters, and yet they can be so powerful. Most important, they demonstrate that you care for yourself, which is a key prerequisite to caring truly for other people. Carry this one in your back pocket; use it when necessary. You’ll find that the most positive and happy people you interact with respect you for doing so–and that can make you happy, too."
Saying "No" creates boundaries and makes sure the other person doesn't transgress over your space and time and is also asking the other person to inturn respect you.

And remember '"sincerity" is the key with this- no one is impressed with canned spam! Used in the right circumstances building up others and reaffirming them will hopefully help create a better environment where they will naturally want to build you up in return. But  for some people this might take time and lots of patience. And your only reward might be the warm feeling you get from trying to help another. Don't give up, giving of yourself ultimately will reward you, one way or another. I think patience is key and that is a bit of a dose of reality that this article misses- sometimes doing this can be one way street for awhile, but the upbeat, happy message usually wins in the end, or it at the least gives you a warm cosy feeling inside.

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